You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
