Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
