He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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