Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
