I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
