I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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