who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
