Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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