my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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