I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize