i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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