Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
