That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
