This is not my ceiling
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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