I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
