Im at strip club and am horny
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
