I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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