We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
