Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
