I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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