dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
