I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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