I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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