Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
