I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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