You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just had sex on a roof
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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