My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
