So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
