i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
