I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
