btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
