So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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