I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
