My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
