Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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