Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
