hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
