There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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