I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
