I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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