maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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