I think I won the penis lottery.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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