You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
