i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
