I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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