Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
