My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Panties = found
Randomize
