Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found the puke drawer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
