Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
