Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
