I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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