Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
