Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my being single is dangerous.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
