Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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