Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
