One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
