Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
