There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
