It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
