Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
