My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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