I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
