OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
