so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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