I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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