My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
