I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
