The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just threw up on my dentist
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
