You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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