...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
