1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
