Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
