I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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