Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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