I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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