I didn't shave. On purpose
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
