I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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