I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
