She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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