just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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