It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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