Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
