We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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