I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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