DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
