It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
