Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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